In high school, I was depressed. In my depression, I wrote poetry. Some poetry that is inspired by depression has more subtle undertones of melancholy, but not mine. My poetry was blatantly depressing, angry, and even suicidal. I wrote a poem in 9th grade, which I aptly titled "Pessimistic." Now, five years later, I realize that if someone I cared about had written this poem and showed me, I would be seriously concerned for their life. The things that I wrote in this poem were lies straight from Satan. God has been debunking these lies and showing me truth, and that is why I wrote down what I thought God would say to 14-year-old Allison.
The first part, before the line break, is the poem I wrote in 9th grade; the second part is the poem I wrote five years later.
My sins scribbled on my forehead
For the world to see;
Who could love me?
Every mistake I've made
Comes back to haunt me;
Who will accept me?
The poison of rejection has made me ill;
My past, a knife that has stabbed my heart.
I'm searching for acceptance
In a world that is against me;
How long until my search is over?
I'm worn out and tired
Of making futile attempts at finding a friend.
All I've ever hoped for,
Now thrown away.
The ugliness of rejection is all that shows.
Rejected, and this pencil and paper are all I have --
My only friends in a dark world of hurt and pain.
Uninvited,
And I can't take anymore.
The lonely tears I cry are ignored
By teasing laughter.
My life will be a secret,
Lived for only me to see.
This gloomy raincloud of regret hovers over me,
And all I can do
Is write.
When your sins are scribbled on your forehead
For the world to see,
I still love you.
When every mistake you've made
Comes back to haunt you,
I will accept you.
The poison of rejection has made you ill;
Your past seems like a knife that has stabbed your heart.
You have been searching for acceptance
In a world that is against you;
Your search is now over.
You're worn out and tired,
But I give you rest.
All you've ever hoped for
Can be found in Me.
Now the beauty of acceptance is all that shows.
You are Mine, and I am all you need.
Call on Me when your world is dark.
I invite you in;
You don't have to fight anymore.
I have heard your cry;
What took you so long to cry to Me?
Your life was never a secret;
I saw every moment.
I welcome you in with open arms
And I call you
My child.