When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes (an analysis and personal interpretation)

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes

I all alone beweep my outcast state

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries

And look upon myself and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd;

Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state

(Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings

That I scorn to change my state with kings.

-William Shakespeare

Sonnet 29: one of my favorite poems by my favorite writer in the history of the English language. (Stephanie Meyer doesn't come anywhere close!)

Let's take a look at why this is my favorite poem. Sure, it's Shakespeare, my favorite writer, which adds to my liking of this poem, but it's not quite why I like it so much.

I love this sonnet because I can relate. "When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes/I all alone beweep my outcast state..." I have been there. I have felt alienated and outcast; I have even felt like God Himself - my perfect, holy, loving Creator - couldn't possibly even care the least bit about my struggles (And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries). I have taken long hard looks at myself, thinking "Who are you? You'll never amount to anything." (And look upon myself and curse my fate/Wishing me like to one more rich in hope/Featured like him, like him with friend's possess'd/Desiring this man's art and that man's scope/With what I most enjoy contented least) Writing, as any of my friends and past teachers will tell you, is my passion. Far too often, I find myself comparing myself to other writers; I wish I could write poetry as profound and intriguing as they, but my scribblings cannot compare.

"Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising..." Ah yes, the turn. Don't you find happy endings just a little bit cheesy? Normally, I would agree with you, but there is a reason I love this one. Shakespeare, obviously, was writing this sonnet for his lover (as many sonnets had similar themes). Personally, I interpret this part of the poem a bit differently. In my case, and my personal interpretation of this poem, my lover is God. God, whom the speaker (and I) was criticizing at the beginning of the poem for not hearing his (and my) seemingly futile cries, suddenly comes to the rescue! "Haply I think on thee..." Seemingly by chance or coincidence (although I know that God's plan always prevails over chance), I remember God's gift of love and His plan for my life, and His love always gives me hope. "For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings that I scorn to change my state with kings."

Maybe I am reading between the lines a bit too much, but poetry, especially that of William Shakespeare and his contemporaries, can be interpreted in many different ways. That is the beauty of poetry...and Shakespeare mania.

Lead Me In Your Truth

If you didn't already know, I am an introvert. I feel like God is calling me to do things that require an extroverted personality, such as teach. I have to trust that God will help me to overcome my "social phobias" so that I can do His will.

I am seeking Your will

with an open mind

and an open heart -

Lord, to teach You to the children

that all may know You.

Oh, but if only I were more eloquent;

if I were just a little more outgoing,

then I could do Your will.

But Father, I'm trusting;

God, I'm surrendering;

Lord, I'm following

even though my vision is limited.

I don't see where I'm going,

but, Holy God, You do.

And I'm asking You to lead me;

Father, lead me in Your truth.

A great author; a gripping story

Have you ever read a book that is so grasping, you just can't put it down?

For me, that book is Night of the Twisters by Ivy Ruckman. It is a fictionalized account of the Grand Island, NE tornado outbreak of June 1980. The book tells of how twelve-year-old Dan Hutch, his friend Arthur, and Dan's baby brother Ryan survive a violent tornado in Dan's basement.

Upon reading the back cover of Night of the Twisters, I noticed that the target audience for the book is ages 8-11. That is how you know when an author is great: when they can write a book on a third grade level that appeals to readers of all ages. That is the type of writer I long to be. While I do want to write at the level expected of me, I know that my vocabulary is not as vast as some, and I will probably never have William Shakespeare's eloquence. I want my writing to be accepted and understood by as many audiences as possible.

So, adults and teenagers of the world, I challenge you to go to your local library, a bookstore, or even that stack of books you haven't read since elementary school, and pick up a book by Dr. Seuss or Judy Bloom, or Night of the Twisters by Ivy Ruckman. Relive your childhood, and be totally gripped by a simple story that even a child could love.

One Way

How is there only one way to Heaven? What if Jesus "isn't right for me"?

Picture this: it is exam day at school. You turn in your paper with most questions unanswered. Your teacher asks why. Your reason? "It just wasn't right for me to answer every question." Do you really expect that to be an acceptable excuse? No! Your teacher isn't going to accept your incomplete test simply because it "was right for you." The only way that you can pass a test is to answer every question (and study).

What if you are over at your friend's house, and he leaves the room for a few minutes. While he is gone, you steal his iPod and jet back to your house. When he notices that his iPod is gone, he calls you up and asks you if you took it. "Yes, I took your iPod, but it was the right thing for me to do," you reply. Is he just going to say "Okay, man, if it was the right thing for you, that's fine." Absolutely not! There must be some universal, indiscriminate standard for what's right and what's wrong. Likewise, the only way to Heaven is to believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and to accept the free gift of salvation that He gives. Besides, who wouldn't want a gift that has already been paid for?

I can't keep this inside. Too exciting.

How can I NOT share this joy, which can only be found in Christ alone, with others. That would be far too selfish of me.

But Jesus said, "Go home to your family, and tell them everything the Lord has done for you and how merciful He has been." (Mark 5:19, NLT)

Stop Praying

"To just read the Bible, attend church, and avoid "big" sins -- is this passionate, wholehearted love for God?" - Francois Fenelon, The Seeking Heart

This was the opening quote in Crazy Love by Francis Chan, a book that I am currently reading for my Sunday school class. The first chapter in this book is entitled "Stop Praying." At first, I was taken aback by this, as it is an unexpected phrase in the status quo "Christianese" that we have become so used to. This is the first paragraph in the chapter:

What if I said, "Stop praying"? What if I told you to stop talking *at* God for a while, but instead to take a long, hard look at Him before you speak another word? Solomon warned us not to rush into God's presence with words. That's what fools do. And often, that's what we do.

Basically, I think what Francis is challenging us to do here is to stop worrying about always having the "right" words to say to God, and let Him have center stage. Stop trying to impress God with big, churchy words and, every once in a while, just listen. You just might fall crazy in love with what He has to say.

I tend to ramble often, and sometimes even stutter. How comforting to know that I don't always have to be perfectly eloquent in talking to God!

I, myself, am guilty of having close to a thousand Facebook friends. Of those thousand, I hold actual conversations with only a select few. I don't want to let God become one of those Facebook friends that I never talk to or listen to. I want to be CRAZY in love with Him, so CRAZY, that He's all I can think about. I want to be so in love, that I can't go a single day without talking and listening to Him.

Listen. You just might be surprised by what you hear.

If home is truly where the heart is...

"Thinking back when we first met, I remember what You said: You said You'd never leave me. But I let go of Your hand, built my castle in the sand, but now I'm reaching out again, and I'm not letting go." - Home, Joy Williams

God, I've spent too much time away from You. I knew You said You'd always be with me, but somehow, I still felt empty. I have longed to be closer to You, but when my heart grew weary, I guess I just gave up. But You were that little cat at my heels, following me around, just waiting for me to let you in. Just give the cat a little milk, and it will stay with you forever. God, I don't know why or how, but I left the cat inside while I went out and did my own thing. You went out of Your way to find me and bring me back with you. And now, I am here to stay. I am NOT letting go this time.

Batch 2 of Poetry

"Sinking"

I'm in a rut.

I'm sinking,

sinking,

sinking faster in this quicksand until it swallows me whole!

Then, I will be no more --

forgotten by a world of who's-who's and so-and-so's,

where nobody knows my name.

I'm crying,

crying,

crying out to anybody: "Come save me!"

Still, they leave me here --

leave me to die, all alone,

in the deafening silence of rejection.

- 8/25/08

"Look Who's Sorry Now"

Look around you --

can you tell who feels left out?

Is it the loner?

The goth?

The punk?

Actually, it's the one you'd least expect:

It's the one who is what you'd call "normal" --

the one who never says a word.

She looks like everybody else,

but she's different.

Bottling her emotions inside,

she's likely to explode soon.

Slowly, her sadness turns to anger,

her depression, to desire for revenge.

Now everyone who has ever rejected her feels sorry;

they regret what they did.

Before you tease someone, remember this:

You never know what someone might be going through.

-8/26/08

"Plea For Inspiration"

The muse is gone;

I'm no longer inspired by anything around me.

Where are you, O muse?

Fill my heart with words --

ideas to scribble on this paper.

Words that actually say something --

words with meaning.

I long for my audience to understand my work.

Poetry should be written with pure emotion.

Inspire me,

or I may never write again.

-9/5/08

"How I Heal"

My lonely tears are teasing me;

every laughing eye is watching me.

They look on with maliciousness

as I cry over the record of their words.

Drowning in the rejection,

how can I get out?

I am telling this paper of my experiences

because that's how I vent,

and that's how I heal.

-9/10/08

Be Still

"Be still," You said, "and know that I am God."

"Be hushed, My child, and hear Me speak to you."

Yet I cannot seem to be still

for even one second

or shut up

for one moment to hear Your voice.

Lord, I'm not asking for You to

calm the storm

or to quiet the noise around me;

I want You to calm Your child -

in the midst of the storm -

and shut me up so that I can hear You.

Life-Writer part 2

Living is not about writing; writing is about living.

I have decided to call myself a life-writer - self-explanatorily, one who writes about life. The best poets are those who base their works on real-life experiences. My goal is to become a great writer, if at all possible. How do I plan to achieve that?

1. Live day by day. I simply can't afford to miss out on anything that happens around me. If I rush life by, then I might be passing up an opportunity to write something amazing.

2. Observe. Observe those around me, paying careful attention to details such as language, emotion, and character.

3. Read. In order to become a great writer, I have to read what I want to write. Presently, I find myself gaining inspiration from writers such as Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, and Poe.

I hope that this post can serve as a reminder to me of what I want to become. I also hope that I may be able to help a fellow aspiring writer. Maybe that has already happened? I guess I will never know.

Life-Writer

Living is not about writing;

writing is about living.

For if I do not live life

as it comes, and take what life

throws at me, then what can I write about?

Unless I live my life

the best I know how, experiencing

day by day the toils and snares,

the joys and the flairs

that life entails, then I cannot call myself a writer.

Something to think about

I am full of earth
You are heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity
But a certain sign of grace is this
From a broken earth flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt

God is everything that I am not. I don't quite understand how he could love someone as screwed up as me. I mean, I'm just Allison. Of sinners, I am the worst. I've done some pretty rotten things in my life. But God loves me just as I am. And He wants a relationship with me. I desperately yearn to love Him like He loves me.

Psalm 42

¹ As the deer longs for streams of water,

so I long for you, O God.
² I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I go and stand before him?

Out of this scripture sprang the inspiration for my blog title. "As the deer longs..." Yes, just as the deer LONGS after streams of water, so I LONG for God, the Living Water. I have a deep, desperate NEED for God just as the deer NEEDS water. I THIRST for God - the LIVING God - and I cannot live without Him. I cannot live without His love, and I cannot love without Him in my life.

Could Have Been the One

One day a girl came up to me
She was in need of a friend
I just walked right by her
Never really looked at her
Or said anything

I saw the next day in the paper
Her picture next to her name
One day, she was here
Then the next day
She was gone

What if I was all she needed?
Someone to keep her from letting go
She needed a friend
I could have been the one
Who would help her keep the faith
And keep holding on

I saw a man on the streets
Ratty old clothes and no place to go
I just walked right by him
Never really looked at him
Or said anything

I saw the next day in the paper
His picture next to his name
One day, he was here
Then the next day
He was gone

What if I was all he needed?
Someone to keep him from letting go
He needed some hope
I could have been the one
Who would help him keep the faith
And keep holding on

Dear Taylor

Dear Taylor,

I promise, everything will be alright.

You’ve got God on your side,

and if you let Him, he’ll fight

for you. I have faith

that you can show this cancer

who’s boss. I know that you are strong.

God will help you through,

if you just keep holding on

to His mighty hand.

We were never that close,

but, now more than ever,

I feel like we are sisters –

best friends forever –

we can get through this together.

I have said all this to tell you

that I care for you.

I haven’t yet reacted to the news,

but it’s coming, and I assure you,

I will cry and cry and cry,

but don’t worry about me –

I’ll be fine. I just never expected this to

happen. It’s something you can never

be prepared for. But, Taylor, I love you,

and I’m here for you 100% of the way.

- Allison Gossage (2010)

Whoa, this is actually happening.

For those of you that don't know, a friend of mine, Taylor Bedichek, was recently diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. If you are not a medical geek like me, you are probably wondering what that is. Hodgkin's lymphoma is a type of cancer affecting white blood cells called lymphocytes and the lymph nodes. Yes, you read right. CANCER.

When I first heard that Taylor had cancer, it didn't hit me right away. I was just like "okay. so my friend has cancer. No big deal." And then, once I actually thought about it, it turned into "WHOA. My friend has cancer." This is actually happening. It seems so surreal, yet it is real nonetheless.

This is one of those things that you never expect to happen to you or anyone you know. Especially someone like Taylor, who was - and still is, though not as much now - so full of life. But things like this happen. Nobody is for sure what causes cancer, especially in children and adolescents. Taylor is only 16 years old. A 16 year old with cancer? I've heard stuff like this in the news, and in movies, but I never expected it to happen in real life. But it does.

So, what was the point of this post, you may ask? Nothing, other than to simply get my feelings out. So many thoughts have been cluttering my brain since I heard that Taylor was sick. I just felt the need to vent, so to speak. Oh, and please keep praying for Taylor! She's a strong girl, and I have faith that God will get her through this!

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." - a quote often credited to Dr. Seuss

I think this is probably one of the more difficult quotes for me to grasp. I do understand what it means, but, no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to make myself do what the quote says.

Basically, good memories depress me because they are merely memories. Bad memories, on the other hand, do not usually make me feel this way for the same reason: they are only memories. For me, the quote should read "Don't cry because it happened; smile because it's over." Very rarely will I cry over something that happened in the past.

"Don't live in the past," people tell me.

"I don't," I reply.

"I have no regrets;

I don't dwell on the mistakes

of myself or others.

So what seems to be the problem?"

"You are most certainly right;

You don't dwell on the negative,

But you dwell on the positive,

Which can be just as bad.

Let me explain," they say,

"For the good memories

have all but faded away,

but you find yourself crying

in the midst of all the photos and letters.

Don't cry because it's over;

smile because it happened."

- Allison Gossage (2010)

Pessimistic

My sins scribbled on my forehead

For the world to see;

Who could love me?

Every mistake I've made

Comes back to haunt me;

Who will accept me?

The poison of rejection has made me ill;

My past, a knife that has stabbed my heart.

I'm searching for acceptance

In a world that is against me;

How long until my search is over?

I'm worn out and tired

Of making futile attempts at finding a friend.

All I've ever hoped for,

Now thrown away.

The ugliness of rejection is all that shows.

Rejected, and this pencil and paper are all I have --

My only friends in a dark world of hurt and pain.

Uninvited,

And I can't take anymore.

The lonely tears I cry are ignored

By teasing laughter.

My life will be a secret,

Lived for only me to see.

This gloomy raincloud of regret hovers over me,

And all I can do

Is write.

-Allison Gossage (2007)

Senior Year

This year seems to be

Just like any other.

I walk the same hallways

That I always walk;

I tote my books in the same bag

That I always carry;

I talk to the same people

That I always see.

From one year to the next,

Nothing changes significantly. So what is different

About this particular year, you may ask.

Sometimes I am not so sure myself.

Then I look down that hallway --

The same one that I have walked

For the past four years --

And hear my companions --

The same ones that I have spoken to

For the past four years --

Calling out to me: "This is senior year, yo;

Let's make the most of it."

-Allison Gossage (2010)

Ode to NaNoWriMo (a cheesy parody of Shakespeare)

To write, or not to write, that is the question:

Whether tis nobler to scribble

Fifty-thousand words that mean nothing,

Or to fill a single page with meaning. To write, to live --

And by living, gain inspiration

That may fill the pages with life;

'Tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To write, to live --

To live, perchance to inspire -- ay, there's the rub,

For in that living of life what inspiration may come,

When we listen to our hearts,

And the meaning within; there's the respect

That motivates us to completion:

For who would possess the patience required,

Bear th' oppressor's pen, the proud man's completed work,

The delays of writer's block, procrastination's spell,

The fear of distraction, and the pressures

That his teachers impose upon him,

For he himself to complete his novel

In just thirty days; who would many burdens bear,

To inspire and be inspired by life,

But the dread of incompletion,

The permanent distraction, from which

No writer returns, perplexes the mind,

And makes us wish we had persevered,

Rather than live with the product of our procrastination?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,

As it hands out regrets

To those who succumbed to procrastination's gentle call,

But only those who ignore the call of procrastination,

Keeping instead their eyes on the prize,

Find success in completion.

Megaphone

I'm in this place

What should I do?

My troubles are a megaphone

Against or for You

Everyone's watching

Waiting to see

If I will crash and burn

But I won't

For my God is with me

And You're bigger

You're stronger

You'll help me make it through.

No matter what happens,

My life will speak for You.

This message that I bring,

Let it only say one thing:

My God is near,

So let Him speak to you.

-Allison Gossage (2009)

You Don't Know

You don't know

How it feels

To be the one always hated

To be the "last resort"

You don't know

What it's like

To always be chosen last

Or

For people to talk to you

Only because no one else is available

Maybe if you knew

Then you wouldn't

Hate me

Or treat me as a "last resort"

Maybe if you knew

Then you wouldn't

Choose me last

You would talk to me because you wanted to --

Not because no one else was available

You don't know

But would it be any different if you did?

-Allison Gossage (2008)

This Dream

Every night,

I dream of a place

Where nothing goes wrong

It's a place where I'm anything I want to be

Everyone loves

And nobody hurts

Nobody cries

And there's no broken hearts

But then I realize

That a dream

Is not reality

It's just a fantasy that could never come true

This dream is a wish --

A wish

That will never come true

-Allison Gossage (2007)

Work in Progress

I'm through pretending

That everything is alright

It would be a lie to say that I'm okay

To put on a mask

Just to please the crowds

Is not what You want me to do

My life is not perfect

Nor does it need to be

No, I am a work in progress

And I don't care what you say about me

-Allison Gossage (2008)

Rebel Angel

If I grew wings

And flew away

Would anybody notice that I'm gone?

If I flew

To a better place

Would it really be any different?

I want to soar

Fly

To chase my dreams

The world is trying to hold me back

But they don't want me here

They just can't stand to see me happy --

Hypocrites, all of them!

So here is what I will do:

I will rebel from their every wish

And be a rebel angel

-Allison Gossage (2008)

Nonchalant

Hiding her face from the crowd

Of hypocritical,

Judgemental eyes

She has nowhere to go

So she writes

She writes

To relieve the pain

Of the scars from their careless words

The scars haunt the page

Individually, they appear

She writes about each scar

One by one

Reliving her past each time

Few people have read her work and are

Concerned for her

Most are nonchalant

Her end is near

And they don't even care

-Allison Gossage (2008)

Camp is where the heart is...

This summer has been the greatest summer of my life so far. This summer, I worked alongside some of the greatest people God has put on this earth and formed friendships with them that I hope will last a lifetime, or even longer. I formed friendships with campers; I wanted each of them to know that they are loved by God and myself. The camp staff became my family, camp itself became my home, and while my faith is still nowhere near that of a prophet or a saint, I believe that I grew significantly in my faith. Below is a list of the members of my camp family, random facts about each of them, and some things that they have taught me.

Hillary a.k.a. H - H is probably one of the most hardworking people you will ever meet. She was one of my bosses, but she was so much more than that. She didn't just tell me what to do and walk off, no. She would tell me what I needed to do and then help me with it. She worked alongside me and the other support staff. She taught me that it is impossible to die at camp. Believe me, she would know. She is a great friend. Whether she knows it or not, Hillary helped me to overcome some of my greatest struggles. Her listening was enough to really help me.

Kayla - Kayla can play any sport and cut grass! Kayla is really awesome. We rode to camp together a few times, and I feel like I got to know her pretty well. She taught me that it's okay to speak my mind. If someone is treating me in a way that makes me feel useless, I need to speak up and not be walked all over.

Addie - Addie is the best kitchen ninja Camp Longridge ever had! I am going to miss her so much when she leaves, but I know God is going to use her in magnificent ways in Guatemala. Addie taught me that not everything was meant to be taken personally; some things - actually most things that happen at camp - are results of frustration and sleep deprivation.

Kaitlyn - If you ever have anybody giving you trouble, Kaitlyn will personally take that punk down!

James - James may seem quiet at first, but be not fooled. He is CRAZY! I loved ATB excursions with James. If I was ever in a bad mood, James would always manage to do something random and crack me up.

Jen - This girl is accident prone. Seriously, she needs a bubble wrap suit. But Jen was a great friend. We shared a few rides to and from camp, and I found out that we have a lot in common, the main thing being our craziness.

Kinsee - Kinsee is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet, but she is a redhead, so don't get her angry. Haha, I love Kinsee. She is a GREAT friend who would always listen when I needed to talk. You could tell that Kinsee truly cares. I am going to miss her so much, and I hope she is having an awesome time in Tennessee! I hope we can keep in touch!

Jimmy - Jimmy probably does more awkward things than anyone.

Nate - Nate is one of the most caring guys you will ever meet. His gentle, caring voice is enough to probably convince you to do anything, even to do the ropes course without a harness.

Tony - Tony is...Tony. There is no other way to describe him. Not that that is a bad thing. I think Tony was misunderstood a lot, but deep down he is a really good guy and I loved working with him.

Bri - Bri likes to tell corny jokes. She is also very caring. Bri is awesome.

Justin - Justin was a GREAT orange team leader, and a great praise band leader.

Nicole - Everybody loves Nicole. I mean EVERYBODY.

Betsy - Betsy is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met - inside and out. When I shared my testimony, she was right there to offer scripture that would help me. If I needed to talk, she was there. Betsy is very understanding, and she knows that you don't always have to offer the best advice. Betsy offers open ears, open arms, and a caring heart.

Amy - Amy was one of the first new staffers I talked to. From the moment I first spoke to her, I knew Amy was going to be a good friend. She is the epitome of a great friend - she listens, she cares, she relates, she offers advice, and she is random.

Jason - Jason was an awesome green team leader, and just an all around great camp counselor.

Evan - Evan can make it happen. He is always willing to work and get the job done.

Alyssa - Alyssa was my roommate for the summer. We spent a lot of time together, and she was always there for me if I needed to talk, literally.

Will - Will's hair smells really nice. ;-) Will is crazy. So crazy, that my first impression of him was that he wouldn't be a very easy person to talk to. Boy, was I wrong! Will is actually a great listener, and he is very caring.

Chas - Chas is a grown up Justin Beiber. Not really, but he is awesome.

You are MORE than enough for me.

It is so awing to find myself in this place, this place where God speaks to me through something that has become routine. When that happens, I feel so small. But small in a good way, like the way a small child fits perfectly on her father's lap.

Just the other day, I was listening to the song "Enough." It is a worship song that has been sung in church services a thousand times over, so much that it has almost become routine. But its meaning really struck me the other day. God. Is. Enough. God is MORE than enough. MUCH more. He is bigger than any trouble I could ever possibly face. Whatever struggle I may be facing in my life, whether it be an eating disorder, depression, or just some sin I'm struggling to overcome, GOD IS BIGGER. He is everything I need AND MORE. All I need to overcome my troubles, I can find in God and God alone.

For a while now, I have claimed that I was having trouble "hearing God." While I am not entirely sure what I meant by this phrase, I guess you could say I haven't felt as close to God as I have in the past. I am unsure why I am doing whatever I am doing that is pulling me away from my Creator. I don't even know what I am doing, but I do know that I need to find my way back. Because God is the only One who is sufficient for me. His grace is the only thing that can complete me.

It's a lot like that skit for "Everything" by Lifehouse. The girl in the video is consumed by each sin in her life, one immediately after the other. It is pulling her away from God, but God is constantly tugging on the rope, trying to pull her out. The truth is, God has been tugging on the rope for quite some time now. But at last, I will admit: I have just been too consumed by my own struggles to pay Him any attention.

Today, I relinquish control. God, I surrender. Everything was yours to begin with. From now on, I will cease pulling in the other direction, and let You pull me towards you. I NEED you. YOU are MORE than enough for me.

If It's a Crime, I'm Guilty

If it's a crime, I'm guilty

Of shrugging off every sin

Concealing every past regret

Buried deep within

I hide behind a curtain

Of jealousy and lies

But you can see the sin, the shame,

The hurting in my eyes

I sit in the pew on Sunday

I know the words to every song

I even know a few Scriptures

A good Christian -- so I thought

The stained glass window cannot hide

All the wrong that I have done

For God sees the real me

From him, I cannot run

But that's not it, there's more

Indeed, God knows my heart

But His Son's blood gives me new life,

A clean slate, and a fresh start

-Allison Gossage (2010)

What are my words compared to Yours?

I searched the world for a song that I could sing
Praise to my King, a gift that I could bring
But no music I found could compare to You
Not one could do justice to Your glory
What are my songs compared to Yours?

You speak with thunder and lightning

Your voice shakes the mountains

The foundation of the Earth

All I can offer is this fragile breath

And with each one I'll praise You

With each one I'll praise You more

I searched the world for a poem I could read

A rhyme that would bring glory to my King

But no writing I found was worthy of

This God high above all other gods

What are my words compared to Yours?

You speak with thunder and lightning

Your voice shakes the mountains

The foundation of the Earth

All I can offer is this fragile breath

And with each one I'll praise You

With each one I'll praise You more

Do you have a favorite worship song? I know I do. The reason why we have favorite worship songs is because we feel that certain songs are better than others at conveying God's glory. While this can be true, STOP for a minute. Think about who God really is, think about the wonder of His glory. We cannot even begin to fathom how great God actually is, and no song or poem can begin to describe Him either.

As for me, I am a writer. Or at least, I try to write. I especially like to write about God's wonderful creations. But my scribblings are nothing more than a pathetic, humanized attempt at making sense of God's marvelous, mystical wonder. In every single poem and song I write, I try to describe Him as best I can. I search the dictionary, the thesaurus, the encyclopedia, trying to find words to describe How truly awesome He is. But, I fail miserably each time. Nothing humans can write or say could even come close to painting a picture of who God really is.

I have found that the best thing to do in my frustration is just to STOP. Stop trying to mute God's glory with my human words that fall short every time. Stop all this theology, trying to humanize the Lord who created all things. Just STOP IT and spend time with Him! Talk to Him, praise Him for who He is. You don't need all those bombastic words that do no good anyway. Just talk to Him. Stop being confused by all the noise around you. Just do what Psalm 46 says, and BE STILL. Know that HE is God.

Rain

You know what it's like to be caught in a rainstorm? Imagine being a little child, about 1 or 2 years old, walking with your parents through the woods. All of a sudden, it starts to rain. Before long, it's just pouring! The rain pounds on your head, the lightning flashing and the thunder crashing, the trees swaying. You can't see anything beyond the storm. To you, as a little child, the storm is your reality. You begin shrieking at the top of your lungs, and your parents finally realize how terrified you are. They pick you up, and hold you close, whispering "I love you! We're gonna make it! I love you!"

Now, you're older. You have these moments, these storms, where nothing seems to go right. Eventually, all your stresses and problems build up, and you just can't take it anymore. Do you call out to God? Or try to make it through on your own? Hopefully, you cry out to God. Because quite frankly, you can't do it on your own. If you cry out to Him, He'll raise you up, hold you close to his side, and whisper "I love you! It'll be alright! I love you!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9udYp7UOP8A

Can You Help Me Find My Children?

About a year ago, I found myself completely intrigued by a story I had heard. It is a true story of two young boys who were lost in the Allegheny mountains of Pennsylvania for a few days and nights in early spring in the year 1856. It wasn't until a family friend, Jacob Dibert, had an intense visual dream telling him exactly where the boys were, that they were found dead. This story intrigued me so much that I felt compelled to write a poem about it. It is told from the mother's perspective, and is entitled "Can You Help Me Find My Children?".

Can you help me find my children?
For I was working in the fields
When they wandered off alone
To somewhere in these hills.

Please, help me find them!
I fear that they won't live
But I have faith, nonetheless
That God is always with them.

Their father went off hunting
The boys had stayed behind
When I turned my back for one second
They wandered from my side.

Oh, Jacob, tell me, what was your dream?
I'll do anything to find my boys
Tell me, sir, what shall I do?
For they are my pride and joy.

He said to me "Dear sister,
I'll tell you what I saw
I saw the children lying there
Behind a hollow log.

The wind and rain had got to them
It tore right through their flesh
Alas, dear lady, I'm sorry
Your boys, this night, are dead."

There stands a monument this day
To mark their place of rest
It stands there to remind me
Of their terrifying death.

Significantly Insignificant

All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the LORD blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever.
-Isaiah 40:6-8-

GOD is big. WE are small. GOD is eternal. WE are a moment. We're just a speck of dust in our milky way galaxy. And that's not all. Our galaxy is just one in hundreds of billions of galaxies in the whole universe.

So pretty much, we are insignificant. But it's not that "oh, i'm not important" insignificance. We were made for a purpose. But in this world of ours, we are so small.

Astronomers estimate that the world is 156 billion lightyears wide. And a light year is 5.87 trillion miles. You can do the math if you want to, but 156 billion lightyears is a BIG distance. This has led many people to believe that if Earth is the only inhabited planet, then all that other space is just wasted.
But the universe has a different purpose besides just being our home. I believe that it was created to communicate God's glory to us. As big as the universe is, the Bible says that God measures the heavens with the breadth of His hand.

Wow. 156 BILLION light years is nothing in the eyes of God. So who are we that He is mindful of us? That He calls us child, friend? That He cares when something happens and we don't feel like we can handle it? If we were as big as God, do you know how easy it would be to get caught up in the power and responsibility, and neglect other people. But He cares for us. He'll help us when we need help.

We are a moment. GOD is forever.